The Proposal -- December 29th.

Well, I must preface this by pointing out that I’m not one for brevity. : ) Okay…Aaron and I were on vacation in Florida with my family over the holidays. We had spent the week hanging out on the beach, riding bikes, playing games, shopping…you know, just a very easy-going vacation. And this particular day we had planned to lounge around by the pool. However, the ‘plan’ (which you all know this is something I like to have etched in stone) was interrupted… Aaron tells me that everyone had decided to drive down to Seaside—do some shopping and eat a late lunch at Bud & Alley’s (one of my favorites). I was a bit confused at the sudden change of schedule…and even more so when I was continuously coaxed by everyone to ‘clean up’ and get ready to go. After three people ‘suggest’ you shower and put on something other than your typical Florida-uniform (my swimsuit)…your insecurities take control, so I complied. [understated obstacle #1]

We ate a wonderful meal on the roof top of the restaurant overlooking the beach with my family. There was a chalkboard at the bar where people were placing bets on the time of sunset…It was soon approaching, so Aaron suggested we go for a walk on the beach. Now, come on, who wouldn’t want to do that? Well, me…at that time.. As if getting me to change my ‘plans’ for the day wasn’t a big enough obstacle…I decided that we should now hit up all of the stores because they would all close within the hour. [#2] Aaron tells me later that his heart just sank...but the eager-beaver managed to pull me to the shore after all, and we went for a beautiful walk as the sun was setting. I remember trying to make conversation…and all Aaron could do was look off into the sunset remarking “look how pretty it is tonight…look how pretty…” over-and-over. :) Apparently his eyes were searching for Odessa Beach…however because of the recent hurricane, the beach access had been turned into a ‘balcony’ overlooking the water instead. [#3] Aaron suggested suddenly we head up to the road…leaving our shoes behind, he carries me on his back over the river and through the woods. We finally arrive at the Odessa Beach pavilion…rose petals scattered in a trail in the sand up to the balcony. We walk up the stairs and through the terrace…and I notice a blanket, a picnic basket, gathered roses, and champagne. (Aaron had my family in on it from the beginning to help set up) I look at Aaron, (I still don’t realize what ‘this’ is…) and he tells me since we wouldn’t be able to spend our 2 year anniversary together, he wanted to surprise me a little earlier with something special. Well, what do you know, I bought it ! We sit down, pour ourselves glasses of ‘J’ champagne, and enjoy the sunset. It wasn’t until a few minutes later, I questioned Aaron – "what keeps people from coming up here?” …with this I turn around to look, and I notice my parents, positioned like paparazzi, peeking over the stairs. I look at Aaron and his smile just gives it away. I just burst into tears…he begins a long moment of the “I loved you when, knew you were the one when, love, love…” meaningful beautiful sentiment that I’ll keep between us. I stand, he opens the little black box, and he asks me to marry him. Undoubtedly, the answer was a yes! Between the hugging, kissing, and smiling… I didn’t even look the ring for a while. He reminds me, and slides a beautiful diamond on my left hand. I don’t think I have stopped grinning ever since, or so I have been told. :) My parents soon emerge from the bushes and come with their cameras and congratulations. After pictures and tears, they left us to enjoy “our moment”…we cuddled up and listened to the waves for the next hour soaking it all in. It was simply perfect. Back at the beach house, my parents had made a ‘celebratory dinner’ and presented me with my first Modern Bride… Aaron and I just practiced calling each other ‘fiancé’ and started spreading the news to family and friends.

to feel true love is indeed the truest beauty.

it's my ring !

tonight i realized that i am under-qualified for everything.

so, im in a strange funk. big suprise. but, i can't figure out how long i've been here.
has it been a few days? weeks? months? ...or am i just having rampant mood swings that alter my personality from hyper and joyful to just really sucky?
Its an odd feeling to have come to a place and not realized how and when you arrived.
But that's where I am.
It has to be because so much of my life is just a bunch of beginnings...
or im at a bunch of halfways. or however you want to look at it, i have loose ends.
Just with people. with my education, ultimately my career. with everything im involved with. i look down at my planner on my desk here and can't help but feel apprehensive because not everything has a check mark by it yet. I just heard the dishwasher click in the kitchen, which means its DONE. and THAT brings a feeling of accomplishment. how weird am i. I always knew i was the type of person who "had to finish something once i started it"...but i never knew it would drive me into what could very well be a constant state of worry. i'm not supposed to be anxious. i'm supposed to let go and let God. we know that. but, then there's that meeting God in the middle part where somehow my little 'worry' feels like its ok to surface again. Like, I pray for God's will to be done in my life of course...but, i can't just you know, plop down on the side of the road and decide to never work a day in my life and think that God is going to "provide"... I have to LIVE. and its the living part which i 'feel' responsible for. Living for God of course...but also anxiety that I'm going to screw something up... err, DID screw something up.
Speaking of finishing what i started, i don't think i even finished what i was saying...
this stream-of-conciousness just really points out how scattered my brain is and how i can't really resolve a lot in my life because I can't devote the TIME or the ENERGY long enough to stay around with whatever or whomever it is.
I feel like I have let some people down. But, deeper inside is a person that feels like the 'outer' - person... [you know, that superficial worrisome (that word again) selfish person that tends to self-destruct]...that outer person is more to blame, and there is GOOD and there is someone with purpose beneath it all struggling to make her strength known. Boy, it looks like I could fit right in my abnormal psychology book. I'm not crazy, I'm just introspective. and right now, I'm not one for details. The loose ends will just have to be analyzed later.

exercise that hippocampus.

so candice told me that even short snippets of an experience can suggest entire memories, so rather than write a full narrative of my life over the last week and a half, i shall try the snip-version.

fall-break.
highschool football game.
jim, jill, hannah, angela.
4-H speech.
genetic frowning.
jackson.
grandma.
%$@&#.
nature's stain.
embarrassment.
church.
homemade chili.
domestic goddess.
graduation preparations.
birthdays.
phone calls.
GRE registration.
white-glove cleaning.
aaron + balsamic chicken = love.
generations of hope.
big plans. big prayers.
unc.
candice to visit.
car chase.
pumpkin carving.
yoda/chewy/ninjaturle/not aaron in glasses.
bonfire.
the flying J.
reminisce.
champagne.
movies.
football at bear heights.
wing stop french fries (2x).
jacuzzi break-in.
won a medal.
zombies of lorena.
red rum.

doesn't mean much to you, but to me. maybe it will...longer than 7 seconds.
more pictures.

borrowed from kelly needs.

If you're bored, go to google and type in: (your name) needs

Jae needs to listen.
Jae needs to pay attention.
Jae needs to stop talking in class.
JAE can meet all your needs through our comprehensive electronics knowledge and technology development.
Jae needs to finally succeed as a painter.
Jae needs to email Chris the names of the helpers.
jae needs to become mrs D.
Jae needs to pop the question in about a year or so.
Jae needs to focus on day camp.
Jae needs to develop a better breaking ball.
Jae needs to get his stuff together in Norfolk if he wants to be in the rotation.
Uncle Jae needs to be here.
and my personal favorite, that sent my mouse clicking elsewhere:
Welcome to the shoppers's paradise. Jae Mall represents the best experience in online shopping.
for real, guys, jaemall.com
it's like the mother ship is calling me home...

spam in the place where i work. spam at home.

so what's the deal with spam comments. major let down.

how did i get so lucky?

...to have been selected to be the gal with the best-boyfriend-ever.
to feel so amazingly loved every single moment.
I came home today to a sweet surprise... [we went to the zoo a weekend or so ago, and visited the new 'nocturnal house' only to spend the most of our time staring at these adorable miniature owls...I couldn't stop watching them, and they us. all 15 of the little furby-looking precious things, with more cuteness than the name furby implies...] anyway, i came into my apartment today to find a little stuffed-animal baby owl just like the ones aaron and i saw there, along with a long-stemmed red rose. i named him 'poof'...but you have to whisper his name, and make chipmunck cheeks to adequately 'poof' out the squeaky little name. yes, i'm ridiculous.
thank you babe. :)

the more we get together, the happier we'll be.

so, I pierced my foot. I say, pierced, because that is what you do when you put a hole through something, no? We have these little green 'guns' at work that we use for attaching tags to clothing via those little clear plastic things, you know what i'm talking about. They have about a 2 inch long sharp pointy 'needle' which i clumsily knocked off of the countertop straight onto the top of my foot. there was more blood than i expected, and a hole that is STILL there. I've worn closed-toed shoes in labs for four years and never once has it 'come in handy', and here working in retail, i should have err'ed on the side of caution. Work has been fun this week, I stayed BUSY for most of my shifts. I worked 13 hours this weekend, i think...I priced a lot of new cute stuff, helped several ladies pick out entire 'outfits' (they really did look cute), and we had a rep come by with a whole new line - and i got to 'model' a bit and even throw in my opinion.

I went to my second-ever hockey game last night...college hockey can be brutal. I saw more fights than I did when I went to cheer on the Stars. Trae is playing for BU Club Hockey, the reason for my new interest. The game was down in college station...there were a grand total of 8 Baylor fans there...5 of those being for Trae. They had some folks down and out, so he didn't get to play as much as he'd hoped. He did get to START though, how cool is that? However, Not cool that we missed those first 30 minutes of the game. We did get in a nice freebird burrito afterwards...yet, it is still no BAHA in my book. I would be willing partner-up with anyone interested and open up a BAHA franchise nearby just to taste that yummy goodness once again. oh, and Poker was played again...fun was had. i had an unlucky night. carly won her first game. :)

and if you need a good pick-me-up, I owe Aaron for sharing this laugh: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/daker.html

i'm in the market for jeans. as it were. why does every place have to suck this season. why do all my jeans have giant holes and have to hang down a mile in the butt space, it's not like i'm 'lacking' in that region. Aaron and I traveled the world far and wide today in search of perfection, but within these city limits-- i am not quite satiable. i am honestly considering just making a special trip outta town JUST for a pair of good denim.

don't you just love the weather? c'est parfait.

Should my hair :
(a) stay the same
(b) cut 5-6 inches
(c) return to my blonde roots

in a less serious note, I just ordered 2 donald miller books and a KAPLAN GRE book online. dirt cheap...so, I'm really doing this. I've picked a new road, and will begin my travels. I can search schools, print applications, and order practice books all day...but the pressure has been applied, and its time to actually physically make the first steps necessary in this somewhat-sudden, new venture for me. I mean, honestly, graduation is in a little over two months, jae. So, next fall, I could be...in oklahoma, in chicago, in north carolina, in new york, or godforbid somewhere in the midwest. well, i guess the 'godforbid' part should be ''still stuck in waco waiting tables'' or something. But, at least with all best-intentions Aaron and I will be relocating together. we have to. whatever sacrifices must be made. . . . I wish I would hear back from places sooner than mid-spring. I wish I would be able to answer people's questions at graduation when they ask where-next?...instead of being one who can't. at least i have a plan, right? God's got a plan.

give them a knight they'll remember.

I think I held off posting because I had nothing to post. I'm bad at beginnings.
Ok. the weekend.
The greatest-love-of-my-life turned over into his twenty-third year. Its a thrilling feeling to be so incredibly excited about someone else's birthday...its like i get two a year, rather than just one.
Aaron is quite a fan of all things medieval. He lies somewhere in between those renaissance festival geeks and maybe a monty python fan. I don't know if that's a good spectrum, i just wanted to clarify that he wasn't part of 'geek fest 03' (<--i have pictures if you don't understand what i mean). Anywho, so we decided to celebrate at Medieval Times in Dallas. They "transport you back to a time where chivalry still reigns, battles of the joust are still held, and you are treated as one of the noblest lords and ladies." I was not expecting to have so much fun...but, it was a blast! They have this medieval feast where your hands are your only utensils and you munch away barbarically on giant hens. They seat you in colored sections which corresponds to your "knight". We were rooting for the BLUE. They have a series of actual horses doing tricks, then they show off their knightly skills with a bunch of contests... our knight even threw me a flower when he won. :) and then the real tournament begins when the individual knights defend their honor to the king -- swordfighting and jousting... it really could be quite dangerous. They would use some scary weapons, and their swords would spark upon contact they swung them so hard! Anyway, so you are supposed to cheer for your team--- we yelled SO hard for blue, we ended up with hoarse voices and sore throats. the loud drunk hippie seated next to aaron helped with our volume. It was SO much fun. We even toured the medieval torture chamber... saw 'the breast ripper', the judas cradle (basically your butt is lowered slowly onto a blunt pyramid, slowly), the head crusher, and then one where they hang you upside-down, keeping your brain oxygenated so that you can feel everything that is happening to you...then they start to saw you in half between your legs)...ok, thats enough of those. it was one of those experiences where you shuddered and frowned every 30 seconds.
at the risk of having 'too-much' fun, we went and played miniature golf (quasi-legitimately tied) and then went out for drinks and cheesecake before heading back. ...and for those of you who like your book with a few pictures
We spent the next day at the zoo...if you haven't been since they added on the "brazos country" or something area, you should check it out. Its the best whole afternoon entertainment for $5 bucks.
I even played suzy-homemaker for an hour or two, and made him a 'birthday-pie'...his favorite is pecan-pie, sans pecans, so basically just a forkful of sugar. BUT, nonetheless, i got the recipe from this family and he seemed to enjoy it. He has really been getting into blues lately and mentioning records and whatnot, so I ordered him a vintage-"looking" record player (with the workings, thankfully, of a brand new one)...its in a leathery looking suitcase thing, with speakers included. I even threw in some B.B. King, Billie Holiday, and Al Hibbler albums. I told him I could just picture him waltzing around the apt with his eyes closed wearing a robe and smoking a cigar.
There's more, but I think I've been typing to long, and even I am starting to lose interest. I will pat myself on the back for the completion of memory exercise number one.
I'm off to Trae's, he's making me dinner. (aw)

never heard of it.

the purpose of this journal is simply a memory exercise. I have the most fleeting memory of anyone I've ever known. I don't remember endings to movies, plots of books, stories from my childhood until those experiences are suggested again and again by others. However, I kept a journal in my sophomore of college, and i was sufficiently less demented. some thoughts, some feelings, but mostly experiences and everyday jib-jab. Elementary students could tell you that writing things down helps consolidate memories. well, they wouldn't use the word consolidate, but the concept is there. And this is my goal... not so much to head off the onset of alzheimer's in my amateur scribbling, but at least to be able to remember more details about my life. I don't really predict much of an audience.
So. with that said, all formalities out of the way. I shall commence the rambling...all to follow will most likely be of little consequence to you. consider that your only warning.

where were you when?

my intention is not for this journal to be a survey center, but i just haven't gotten the bug yet, i guess.
Where Was I...?
1 min ago- complaining to sam's club about it being two months since I ordered my mattress and eating a PB & J
1 day ago- exactly? eating from the fruit tray at kathy's pandora jewelry show
1 week ago-transfering mutant c.elegans to new culturing plates
1 month ago-spending the weekend in dallas with aaron
1 year ago-getting into the swing of my senior year, waiting tables at johnny carinos, planning aaron's birthday, making mcat plans
3 years ago- aw, just starting my sophomore year. my first apartment with dos katies at the centre, busy as a social bee... what great fun to be an underclassman, with little worries and lots of free time.
5 years ago-my senior year in high school. probably occupied with cheerleading, student countil, football games, and yearbook. i still thought baylor was in new york, and had yet to begun applying to colleges--but already steaming to get outta town.
7 years ago-probably the same as in previous....? in the 'old' high school. um sophomore year. just got a learner's permit...maybe reading julius caesar and working on a homecoming float...

potty humor.

look. something shiny.

i save every card i have ever received.
i indescribably enjoy picking the pointy ends of the feathers that stick out of my pillow.
i like dr pepper, but only the top half of the bottle or can.
if i had a second language, it would be french.
i hope to spend at least one year living in europe.
crickets scare the bejeesus out of me.
i once was sidekicked by my 9 year old brother during a ruthless game of capture the flag and broke my left pinkie.
my favorite museums are the met in ny, centre pompidou in paris, and hermitage in russia.
i say a prayer for someone when i see a car missing a headlight.
sometimes i pretend to be dumb, so that others will ask less of me.
sometimes i pretend to be smart, so that others will be impressed.
sometimes i care too much about what other people think.
i have had a sting-ray suck on my back.
i cannot dive.
i am a Christian.
i would give my left toe to sing on broadway.
i would like america to end its obsession with celebrities.
i enjoy sneezing.
i have over 300 pins in my 'collection'.
deep down, i hate to fast dance. in public.
i worry that someday i'll undergo an emergency MRI and the doctors will fail to recognize the permanent metal brace behind my two front teeth and i will be smashed.
i love multi colored sharpies.
i am not a risk-taker.
i own over 70 pairs of underwear.
i once jumped from one moving boat to another.
i must have a clean house.
i would spend all day in the bath. I take 2 per day when I am home.
Squares appeal to me.
I would love to be a writer, but I cannot write & I have nothing to say.
I like saying the word 'crysanthemum'
I sometimes jump the shadows on the road with my mouth when riding in a car.
I think many of my thoughts as a 'storyline'.
I don't think I make a very good first impression.
I indescribably hate being ignored.
I have begun to think of my future in terms of 'we'.
I hate the word 'ritter' and 'boob'.
I go through a whole box of matches just for the smell.
I practice some conversations.
I sometimes 'sign' words along with the televison.
I have eaten camel, emu, and kangaroo.
I have gone 17 days with my only shower being in seawater.
the president waved to us.
i would like to chase a tornado.
sometimes my tv will spend a whole day on the weather channel.
i can't do everything i put my mind do.
what doesn't kill me, doesn't make me stronger.
i dislike natural light in my bedroom.
i was once grounded from my blow dryer.
i have worn a swimsuit on stage.
i have a milk allergy that doesn't stop me from painfully consuming dairy.
i climbed 280 feet to the top of St. Paul's cathedral by myself.
i miss my grandparents.
i have biked down a volcano.
i have been stung by a jellyfish.
i have been on a hospital gurney.
i do everything the hard way.
when i turn on the tv, i always first check to see if there is a poker tournament on.
i once singed my hair in a candle.
i have had a tennessee congressman cut my tangled hair off of a chair leg.
i once won a 17 lb. ham.
i have given my autograph.
i always kill my plants. and fish. rest in peace bill.
i make "pop-up" scrapbook pages.
i have ridden a horse IN the ocean.
i know mixing bleach and ammonia can kill you.
i was in on the beanie baby craze of '98.
i think sushi is disgusting.
when i was 11, i had a fish named Nitro, after american gladiators.
i like writing my name in velvet.
i onced helped my brother run away from home.
i even packed him a sandwich for the road.
i drove a golf cart off of a bridge. a small one.
i point the airvents in my car at my underarms. ...what, too much?
my favorite smell is my pomegranate archipelago candle.
and burning leaves. and aaron's aftershave.
i am so very afraid of knives.
i hate coffee. love coffeehouses.
i work at SPICE.
i have a 4' x 5' pirates of the caribbean paris, france
premiere poster in my living room.
i dont understand 'shrugs' as a wardrobe choice.
i was in dance for ten years.
i have changed majors.
i have never asked a prof to change a grade.
i am afraid of ice skates.
i have been asked if my hair was real.
i can never get rid of tan lines.
i forget to wash my sheets.
my favorite possesions are the things that were handmade for me.
i love getting mail. im always requesting catalogs online
just to ensure the aforementioned.
i have had a song written about me.
i never want to be mediocre.
i have been in 'white-water' without the raft.
i care more for my friends and family than they will ever know.
i have relinguished my obsessive-away-message checking days.
i think my freudian 'super-ego' has too much control.
i once thought of joining the military.
i now have a piece of jewelry named after me.
i carved jack sparrow's face into a pumpkin.
i have performed the national anthem many a' time.
i have visited 27 states.
i have visited 12 countries.
i like the smell of gasoline.
i run for a while on empty.
my favorite game is cuddlebug.
i don't understand vera bradley.
i am taking my victory lap.
i drive a stick shift.
i was once on Jerry Lee Lewis's MDA telethon.
i could spend all day at a playground.
i always save the best for last. in anything.
I get a little too-excited about Halloween.
i've been in parades.
green is my favorite color.
i could live on garlic bread alone.
i once played 14 board games in a row.
...and i am really good at them.
i studied abroad.
i haven't seen very many classic movies.
i have fired a gun.
i voted.
i performed at the half-time show of the Hula Bowl.
i was offered a job while in France to take over a crepe stand for a month.
i have snuck 'in' to my own house.
i have waited tables.
i am obsessively-compulsivedly organized.
i first thought Baylor was in syracuse, new york.
i recorded an album (just on tape, back then) when i was nine.
i have never played spin the bottle.
i am blood type B.
i do not read the newspaper.
as a child, i had an invisible friend named Max.
i don't have any cavities....yet.
i absolutely love themeparks.
i can cook a mean spaghetti.
i have cloned DNA.
i love empty vases.
i will never have enough urban outiffter's charlotte shirts.
i've seen over 25 broadway shows.
i will always have bad nails.
i ride a scooter to class some days.
i sang music from little shop of horrors in a bar
when i was four years old.
i enjoy studying.
i have ridden the NY subway.
i went to an easter sunday service in central park.
i have been to 'bike' camp.
i have been on a runway.
i have been in a choir.
i'm part german. part irish. part scot. who isn't?
i want to name my first daughter 'Elle'.
i've paid way too much...
i'm a pushover.
but at least i'm very forgiving.
i was salutatorian of my high school.
i have sold tupperware.
i have skiied a black diamond.
i have given to a homeless man.
i have been in the tunnels. i have an 'asbestos free' souvenir.
i am a supporter of fox news.
i bite my cheeks.
i have traveled by plane, train, and boat.
i have been to a 'pee party'.
i had to have braces twice.
i have snorkled in the great barrier reef.
i have been backpacking/camping.
i have sung at the grand ole opry.
i'm not sure there is ever a 'bigger man'.
i have tie-dyed.
i spend a lot of time watching big brother.
my hummingbird cake won grand champion at the county fair.
i have played greasy watermelon.
i have been in a sock war.
i have walked into a mens restroom.
i wish i was crafty.
i adore beautiful, old architecture.
i have taken the MCAT.
i have marched to my state capital.
i have had poetry published.
i have tried to talk like the gilmore girls.
i could sleep all day.
tulips are my favorite.
i believe true love waits.
i climbed on top of mitchell's restaurant.
i am well documented.
i really DO like college football.
i have been sea sick for 3 days.
i love shopping for other people.
i have 'sledded' down the stairs.
i am a karaoke-er.
the road has always been traveled.
i wrote an newspaper article on pollution.
i have dressed my brothers up in my dance costumes,
pageant dresses, and cheerleading uniforms.
i am directly related to sam houston.
my first cd was amy grant-heart in motion.
i have been kissed on the beach.
i have johnny depp's johnny hancock.
i own a tool set.
i think wingstop puts crack in their lemon pepper sauce.
i have sumo-wrestled.
i have slept directly beneath the stars.
i never think to floss every day.
i have helped build 2 habitat houses.
i have dined in a revolving restaurant.
i have seen michael flatley's legs flail about as if
independent from his body.
i've petted a killer whale.
i am building credit.
i have been a blonde and a brunette.
i have played mud football.
i have been on a ghost hunt of san antonio.
i have played paintball.
I have been on bourbon street.
I have lost money to slot machines.
I have driven a dirt bike against the side of a house.
i bought the brady bunch movie soundtrack.
My parents are bikers.
i have polka danced.
i really hope the long-run is worth it.